I wrote this earlier today, but somehow it got erased…so here it goes again…p.s. I started from scratch because this was not saved anywhere but here…ugh…anyway…
You were born to a young woman who was confused and scattered and cruel. You were born into a world of abuse, drugs, and tragedy. You were beaten and called evil names. You were unwanted by the very people that created you. To them you were trash, garbage, a waste of time and space. You witnessed horrifying things; you were surrounded by hell itself. Dark walls and a red ceiling, smoke in the background through a green/grey light, and shadowy creatures filled your little sight every day and night for three years of your young and beginning life.
Then salvation, the light, a way out of the darkness, the beatings, and the broken bones; away from this torture that you now knew as life and love and home.You were whisked away by people with a life and love and expectations. People who had hand picked you. People who were unpretentious in thinking if one was good, two would be better. Now out of the hell you were once in, the walls you had built up to hide and protect your emotion, your thoughts, you credulous self, now visible to all. An onion with many layers made of steel and stone. To you love is hate. To you caring is selfishness. To you home is hell, no matter where it is.
Outside everything was cheery and flowery and bubbly; inside was black and damp and sorrowful. Day to day was filled with fights and fists and fall outs, yelling and screaming and crying. Hell was back in a new way, but no one knew why or how. Communication lacked in a tremendous way, but you really didn’t know how. How you communicated and how others expected you to communicate were completely different ideals. There were long nights of empty tummies and many days spent in a small dark room and many months you were barely even allowed to speak and others were favored over you for many long and disheartening years.
Many years came and many years went. All the same. Then the day came when you left. Left the people who were to naive to try and make you stay. At first you were still in touch with many of the people you had left, then one by one they dissipated. Slowly they all lost your phone number or you address or both, slowly they forgot or at least pretended to. You hurt them in ways they never thought they had hurt you, but you had to escape, flee, fly away from all the hell in your life. You were looking to start anew. You wanted to relinquish your life as it was and make thing not so ugly. You lived eighteen long years in places you never wanted to be in, so you vanished.
Where did you go? Where have you gone? Did you fulfill all your life’s dreams? Or travel to places I have never seen? Has life been good to you or has it been just as cruel as it was before? Do you have any regrets or any sorrow? Do you have things you wish had gone unsaid or things your dying to say now? Are you living in a place that’s nice and warm or cold and blistery? Are you safe? Are you scared? Are you happy? Are you lonely? Are you where you want to be or some place you wish you weren’t? Are you in an icy cold cage or a bed full of roses? Are you living a full and plentiful life or are you living in the mud six feet under? Where have you gone my little sister?